Confidence?

I think of myself as quite confident,

I think of myself as quite strong

But as I held a sari in my hand

Old fears re-appeared and dragged me along

I became an awkward teenager again

Unsure of my feminity and my looks

I became the girl the teachers labeled

As the one who was best behind the books

I became the girl who used to try in vain

To push beyond her intellectual image

I became the girl who could not give space

To the woman inside, as she came of age

I kept growing since then in many ways

But I could not bring out the woman in me

Unsure and shy she stashed herself away

In a place neither me nor others could see

Girlie mum, Girlie Prof, all girlie I dance,

Comfortable with my looks as a pretty girl

But bring out a Sari, and the doubts come back

And in a sea of inadequacy I begin to swirl.