20 Oct 2012

Confidence?



I think of myself as quite confident,
I think of myself as quite strong
But as I held a sari in my hand
Old fears re-appeared and dragged me along

I became an awkward teenager again
Unsure of my feminity and my looks
I became the girl the teachers labeled
As the one who was best behind the books

I became the girl who used to try in vain
To push beyond her intellectual image
I became the girl who could not give space
To the woman inside, as she came of age

I kept growing since then in many ways
But I could not bring out the woman in me
Unsure and shy she stashed herself away
In a place neither me nor others could see

Girlie mum, Girlie Prof, all girlie I dance,
Comfortable with my looks as a pretty girl
But bring out a Sari, and the doubts come back
And in a sea of inadequacy I begin to swirl.

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