20 Sep 1998


I have seen so many of you
I have known you both, tender and harsh
I have felt your support as I willingly leaned
I have experienced your passion as you transferred it to me
But I am not yet conquered

Time and again I want to be won
I want to feel weak and vulnerable
I want to desire a framework of support
But my own strength keeps me up and awake

I fool myself to believe in your flatteries
I train myself to respond to your touches
I teach myself to desire your moves
And all set and programmed, I try to yearn for you

I try to lose myself in passions and arousals
And I do so in my exotic dreams
As my fantasies tease me in all their variety
And my thoughts play around with my feelings

But when you arrive on the scene
You are never enough to carry me away
Perhaps I'm the one that is too strong
Perhaps you have never been the right one

But I use my imaginations to meet my expectations
And created illusions descend on reality
To cover the blemishes and impart the dreamy glow
That fantastical fantasies had conceived

As reality merges with illusionary pictures
It keeps me afloat in clouds awhile
Awhile I believe my soul is with you
Awhile before the clouds begin to rain

I come down dampened with the rain
With the knowledge of reality hovering about
As it sharply contrasts with my perfect visions
Created only to destroy the creator

I believe though You exist somewhere
Very close to what my vision conceived
Muscular, sexy, charming and strong
My jungle boy, I await your song.

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