28 Jan 2013

Good Girl Contract

It's amazing how so many contracts
I've knowingly and unknowingly signed
And how easily to these contracts
My power I have resigned

Some I consciously initiated
Others I innocently inherited
But each of them I have sacredly upheld
Whether or not such dedication, they have merited

One contract I made with myself
A very long time ago
Was that I would be a 'good girl'
Though the meaning of 'good' I didn't know

I entered gallantly into this contract
Even before I learnt to walk
I started on the quest to define 'good'
Even before I learnt to talk

I tuned my ears to pick up cues
About what does a 'good' person do
I looked to infer from conversations around
Meanings of 'good' that others knew


My definition of 'good' developed in layers
Accommodating all I witnessed and saw
From friendly conversations or gossips overheard
To serious debates on policies and law


Sometimes I get a star in my notebook
And the 'good girl' basks and purrs in glee
But the contract mentions no number of stars
So in quest of stars I continue to be

Good mother, Good teacher, Good citizen, Good person
The many tentacles grown from 'Good Girl'
My contract enforcer sits deep within me
Busy noting  tickmarks, imagined and real

So I'm still playing with my definition of 'good'
Taming this many limbed growing monster
Desperately upholding that ancient contract
While trying to refine it better and better

But my 'good girl contract' is wearing me out
It is constantly making me assess what I do
Is it not possible to be inherently good
Irrespective of what and how I do?

Can't I just drop this burdensome contract
I made unknowingly when I was a child?
Do I have to spend the rest of my life
Carrying around the criteria that have piled?



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